he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize