it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
