You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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