I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
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