i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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