Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
