my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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