If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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