i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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