Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
