Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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