The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
