i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
