It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize