I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i came on her dog
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
