his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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