Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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