it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
