In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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