just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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