From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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