I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
