I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
