I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
