I hope mine doesn't look like that
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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