Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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