I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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