Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
