I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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