Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
a search helicopter?!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize