I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
