i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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