Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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