Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize