Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
