...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize