He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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