If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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