What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
