Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
