I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
