My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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