so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
