i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
