I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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