i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
