so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
