He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
