he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
