It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
