My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
