I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
