On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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