so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
