I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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