The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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