if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
