why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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