I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
