Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(760): View more from California

i don't like sucking hair

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"

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(740): View more from Ohio

Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song

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(214): View more from Texas

Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis

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(248): View more from Michigan

you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits

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(480): View more from Arizona

In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!

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(318): View more from Louisiana

One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.

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