First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
