i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
