get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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