i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
