just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
