please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
