You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
