Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
