Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
