The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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