Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize