dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
