remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
