Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize