forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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