Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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