Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
