I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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