Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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