Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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