Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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