Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
