At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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