My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
