is wine microwaveable?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
