Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
