ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
