I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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