I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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