Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
