I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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