fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
