I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
