This girl is more easily done than said...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
