I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
