I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
