so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
