I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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