yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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