I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
