paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't deserve a penis
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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