why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
