If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just found a bag of teeth...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We smell like vodka and hangover
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