we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
