Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
