i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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