the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I believe in your delicious
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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