This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
