Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
