Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
